I’ve always said birthdays are just another day … and your age is just a number.
And I still truly believe that.
However, as we start to get older, I think you start to see things with a different set of eyes. As I approach a half of a century on this Earth (still a couple of years, but much closer to that than, say, a quarter of a century), I tend to look at things in a bit of a different light.
Mainly, about myself.
I’ve made certain choices in life that have brought me to where I am. And I’m OK with that. I realize if I had gone this direction or that direction, things would be totally different. Maybe for the better. Maybe for the worse. You never know as there are always ramifications for a decision you make.
Sometimes, though, you just have to start understanding where things are in this world.
I’ve had a lot of time recently to do some thinking. And I’ve kind of been in a frame of mind where I don’t know how to express things. My world is upside down, and there’s not a lot to lean on. As I learn new things (ie: owning a puppy), I often feel isolated or on an island. But what makes it harder is not having that regular system to lean into, and that has nothing to do with the dog.
Too, I realize as we grow older, everybody has different priorities. And I never will fault people for priorities. In fact, it’s how it should be. My decisions in life have put me where I am. I have a pretty good job. I’m in the process of buying a house. I now have a dog. But, I’m also single and don’t have kids – and that’s by choice. I often work too much and when I’m not working, half the time I just want to chill.
But, you also need to have interactions and connections as part of life, right?
The thing to always remember is we all grow – and in different ways. Some get married. Some have kids. Some move away for a job. Some just go in different directions. Some live care free lives where they just go from place to place. Maybe you stopped doing something where you saw a lot of people (ie: for me, when I stopped playing softball, I saw less of those people). And it’s not done out of spite or with bad intentions, rather it is just a change.
I’m one of those people who tend to hang on with certain things. I like giving people the benefit of the doubt, and I try my hardest to reach out and things like that. Alas, I’m not perfect. It doesn’t always happen, as much as I would like to do so. And this isn’t anything in particular, rather a situation where people just have other things going on and other commitments. While it’s true that some people just aren’t reliable and constantly go back on what they tell you or just always spin the yarn, the reality is most people just have life and family and things come up. I get that.
So that leads to me.
Here I am, approaching that half-century mark. I don’t plan on making any big moves in my world, so I’m where I’m at. I like to travel a little bit. I like baseball. And I like experiencing things. I just have to realize that many things I will do may have to be done by myself or, eventually, with my dog (such as possibly learning to like “camping” a bit more and traveling to national and state parks).
I have to become more secure in this.
The reality is, sometimes people don’t always come through when they tell you they will. And I’m not talking about one or two times. I mean, things come up. We all have had to back out of things here and there. You move on and deal. I’m talking more about the continual way of doing this. Over and over.
It’s interesting. On my birthday, I read something on Facebook. It quoted Anthony Hopkins. It was pretty long, but well worth reading … in the end, it talked about people. Basically, what I got from it, is that things should always be a two-way street. If you are trying too hard and you seem to be the only one doing so, it might not be time to look deeper into things. It really struck a chord with me, though.
Life’s hard. The experiences and the people who you let into your circle are what will make you happy. You have to go out and get it. I know I’m not always happy. I know getting this dog has actually, for now, made me more down (I realize in time that will change) because of everything I have to do.
Life is what you make of it. I always have said that … the difference now is I have to start living it, too.
Look ahead, not behind. And do everything you can to smile as much as you possibly can as you never know when that smile will stop.