Despite knowing what I usually try and do with this blog and the tone I like to give, sometimes there’s an opportunity too great to cover and I have to skip some boundaries.
That being said, I am going to try and keep this as clean as possible. However, please note that it’s a bit of an adult theme, so please proceed knowing that.
Let me give you the quick back story. I was in a hotel a weekend or two ago as a couple of us were staying over in a Connecticut town following a baseball game. It was later in the evening, or earlier in the morning, depending how you look at it. The television was on and I was on my laptop.
Then I heard some screams of some sort. I tried to figure out where it was coming from. I peeked out the window. It wasn’t the TV as it wouldn’t have made sense with what was on. A few mutes later and I had finally figured out what was going on – and where.
In the room below, two people were having relations. And this wasn’t just normal relations, mind you. This was all-out, throws of passion relations. And there was no secret, either. If I was hearing it from above, I can’t imagine what people in rooms next to these two were thinking.
So, as I laughed, I explained it to one or two people I knew in the online world. We started thinking how funny it would be to quickly write a review of their actions and slide it under their door the next morning. I obviously wasn’t going to have that kind of courage, so I shook it off. But, I also realized that it would make for a funny blog post… so below is the review of the two (kept as clean as possible) and their passionate night of relations.
Dear couple in room below me,
On a fine spring evening in a good hotel somewhere in Connecticut, the two of you decided to make sure people around you knew that you were active and happy in your relationship. You did so by making sure, despite it being after 1 a.m., that people around you would also know. Acts like this are fine for those of us with a sense of humor, but remember there are people in the hotel who probably didn’t enjoy the screams of passion.
That being said, it was a tad disappointing to hear your relations filled with clichés and such. I would have thought that it would be more of something to really live out some good phrases, being in a hotel and all. Maybe because it was a higher class chain, you skipped that? If that’s the case, I would suggest possibly considering a motel of lesser quality, where people may really appreciate the art of hotel relations.
For example, the phrase “Oh God, yes!” was used several times. Though I can fully understand the phrase, the reality is God is a pretty busy being. In fact, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be worrying too much about where you were trying to get to, unless, of course, you were with God. In that case, scratch this paragraph and, well, I’d be even more impressed.
You need to come up with other phrases. They can be clean or filled with profanity (it all, honestly depends on your personal taste), or you can direct or explain what you are hoping for. But you need to change things up a little to make sure you keep a captive audience.
Though your vocals were pretty solid (coming through a ceiling/floor is pretty impressive), I wonder if it wasn’t acting. You see, it seemed at times it was forced. There would be some silence and then you’d really get into it. I am sure there are many ways to explain this, but if you really want people to notice what you are doing, you have to go 110 percent the whole time. Nobody remembers second place, so if you are going to do it, make sure everyone around you remembers you. Take this in mind – people are going to be mad no matter what, so at least give them something to remember.
In the end, I am sure you enjoyed yourselves. I am sure, following your fun, you each got a good night’s sleep, and that is always a good thing. I wonder if others around you got the same good night’s sleep, though I am sure you two weren’t worrying as much. I say you guys put forth a solid effort, but there is a lot of room for improvement. Keep practicing and I am sure, one day, you’ll be getting 10-star reviews.
Unfortunately, I didn’t write this letter then and slide it under their door. It’s probably just as well. But I always am on the lookout for things to blog about … and this fit the bill. Even if it did come in an odd way.
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