50 questions that free your mind: No. 23

As part of my Day Zero Project, I will be answering the 50 Questions That Free Your Mind. For each of these, I will blog an answer and then it will be linked here as well. Some of these will have longer responses, some will be extremely short. But by the end of the Day Zero Project, I will have answered all of these.

No. 23: Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

I can answer this with one quick statement — I hope so.

I won’t say that I’ve been perfect. Heaven knows that. I’ve had my bad and my good. But the reality is, I have done what I see as right. Maybe it’s been wrong. It very well is possible. I’ve probably burned bridges.

My thing is this — I usually don’t hold any punches back. I say what’s on my mind (usually). Sometimes that can be bad. But I also, at times, hold back. Which is bad because then I let it build up. And that’s not a good thing.

But overall, I think I am genuine. Not perfect by any means. But I try and do what’s right.

I’ve always kind of painted it this way:

I am who I am. I don’t change myself for anyone and that’s how I’ve always believed it should be. I can be emotional and I can show different feelings. But I also take things to heart, so that means I can get bent out of shape a little more often than not.

And, unfortunately, I have a short fuse. But it’s not that I blow up — it’s that I get a silent anger. I always try to pass it by, but it stays in my head when I deal with those people. It may look like I have a shield up or am being cold. But it’s who I am.

To go with this question, however, look at the other side.

How is it if you reverse it?

I say this because I’ve gone through the toughest time in my life over the past year and change. It’s probably going to get tougher before it gets better (though I know it will). Through this time, I’ve found what friends really are. And for that, I’m thankful. I know those who I have been friends with for many years and how they are in regard to me. That’s a good thing.

There are different “communities” of friends that I’ve dealt with in recent years and it has helped me get through this whole situation. I hope, too, I’ve been there for some of these friends who have been going through hard times as well.

So to answer overall — I hope I’ve been the kind of friend I would want. Maybe a little brash, a little too honest at times and maybe closed up in other times, but I try and be a decent person.

I hope anyway!