What fantasy sports do to my mind

I say every year that this is my final year in fantasy sports.

Seriously.

Each year, I donate my money (note that I didn’t say pay my fee) to the league pool and get swamped. In the end, with free agent fees and all that, I watch some bucks fly out the window.

Thankfully, I have a partner in the fantasy football league. Alas, we’ve not had any luck.

I’ve read reports that say millions of people play fantasy football each year. Which means throughout the season, people scour statistics, argue over players, sometimes cheat and do anything else to get ahead and win.

(Seriously on the cheating. I was once in a league where the people who ran the league changed rules mid-season, which, of course, benefited them in winning. That’s not just cheating, it’s stealing as people paid into these leagues to have a fair shot to win).

In my two main leagues this year, baseball and football, things aren’t great.

In baseball, I thought I had an excellent team. I really did. But early injuries hammered me and I never recovered. Then, there was a two-week stretch in the summer where I just ignored the team. That never helps. So, I finished last. I then lost in the first round of the John Maine Toilet Bowl Championship bracket.

Before, I continue, the John Maine Toilet Bowl Championship is a fantastic part of our league. Let me give that story.

For the first couple years of our league, Rod had drafted John Maine each year. As anyone now knows, he was an awful, awful fantasy pitcher. A lot of promise, nothing to show for it. Anyway, when Maine went on one of his awful slides, Rod would try and pawn him off on anyone he could for whatever he could (nobody would take the bait). Then it became a situation where Rod started proposing crazy trades (which made it funnier). You know, trades like Maine for a Ryan Howard or something. It became a long-standing joke in our league.

Flash forward to last year, Rod and I were at a baseball card show. We found a John Maine autographed baseball card for cheap (shocker!) and got it. The plan is to get it in a holder with an old, beat-up ball and give that to the winner of our annual Toilet Bowl Championship (the bottom four teams).

Anyway…

Let’s just say that I got absolutely hammered this year — in the season and in the one playoff matchup I had.

Now, I love baseball. By far, it’s my favorite sport. But fantasy baseball is tough. You have daily lineups to play with. Different moves to make. And the season is really, really long. We are a keeper league, too, so it makes the draft that much more interesting because there are fewer players out there.

But once your team starts a large slide, it’s hard to keep up with it. Next thing you know, you’re at the bottom of the league and there’s nothing that can be done.

We are a 7X7 league (seven offensive categories, seven defensive) in a head-to-head league. Though there’s a matchup set between me and the lone other person not playing for anything, it doesn’t really count. So, in all honesty, my team finished a whopping 85-237-14 this year.

You saw that right.

In head-to-head matchups, I went 2-22. That is correct. Of 24 weeks in the season, I won twice. That’s not enough to make me want to stay. I tried to have fun with it. I changed my team name to “Crying Seamus.” I did a lot of leprechaun-style posts. But it got to the point where it was silly.

I had a solid team. They just never seemed to do anything when the others did. I still can’t figure out, either, how I have so many good starters and none of them ever seemed to pitch twice a week. But teams I faced, it always seemed like their pitchers did. I also had a ton of closers and never seemed to do much in the save category.

Do you see why I am considering giving this crap up??

Football is worse. I’ve actually won my league before. So I know it can be done. The problem is, this sport is way more frustrating than baseball because I am not so much a major football fan as baseball. In baseball, I know most people. In football, not so much. See, I’m a Colts fan. That’s the way I think. Outside of them, I know major people. Some of the smaller people, not really.

So the draft is usually interesting.

The past two years, I’ve taken the line that many have done to win our league. Get a major quarterback, running back and wide receiver and run them to the title. I did it last year. Nothing.

I did it this year and it started out very bad. See, my quarterback — every year — is Peyton Manning. We’re an auction league, so I can outbid and overpay for him every year.

This year was no different. Though my gut said he might not play this year with his injuries (the gut is starting to look good), I went beyond the price I had in mind for him and paid $27 for him (we have a $105 salary cap).

I followed my heart and my hopes.

Yeah, that worked out well. My other two biggies weren’t bad in Adrian Peterson and Greg Jennings. And my backup QB is someone I took with the last pick of the draft for $1 — Cam Newton. Not bad. He’s helped a ton and won me the first week as well as should have helped win me the second week. THAT leads to my final point about fantasy football.

Setting your lineup is a crap shoot.

When you don’t have game breakers, your situation is usually something where you take a guess based on matchups or gut feelings. Yep. I did that in week two.

I put Cincinnati’s Jerome Simpson in my lineup. (If you are a football fan, you might see where this is going).

Then I took him out.

For Devin Hester. Seriously.

I figured maybe, at least, Hester could bust a return or something. He scored me one (1) point.

Simpson had 18 fantasy points.

I lost the week, 128-119. Do the math.

This week, I did the same (though it didn’t matter), just in running backs. I sat Cedric Benson (6 points) for BenJarvus Green-Ellis (1 point). Yeah, that was a great move, eh? It didn’t matter as I got beat, 108-72 (neither team has anyone playing tonight). The season is still long, so I am not out of it. But this is frustrating already!

So goes my life in fantasy sports. I hate it. It’s frustrating. It’s annoying. And it’s not worth doing. Really.

That’s it folks.

This is my last year in fantasy sports.

Seriously.

Oh, and when does the keeper list have to be in for baseball?

***

Reminder! Contest going on! I am holding a contests this week. It runs from Sept. 25- to 12:01 a.m. Oct. 2. You can see all the details on the contest post. Enter for your chance to win!

Feel free to leave a comment, or e-mail P.J. at hoohaablog [at] gmail.com. Also, please “Like” HooHaa Blog on Facebook by clicking the button on the right side of the page!