This year is a blur.
I mean, I’m sure most of us are happy that 2020 is already in its eighth month. And goodness knows we are all *hoping* 2021 will be better.
It has to be, right?
The past five or six months have been a total blur. They’ve been some of the longest and toughest hours I’ve ever had professionally. Don’t get me wrong – I’m happy to have a job. I’ve been where millions of Americans currently are and I know how stressful and tough it can be. I feel for them and hope they’ll find work sooner rather than later.
Stress since March comes in many different packages, though.
For those on the front line (medical etc.), it’s been crazy. Having to deal with so much illness and death. For those who have had to work through this whole thing (raises hand), be it in a supermarket, or some other job considered essential. And those who were left in charge of trying to help their kids get through the end of the school year without messing up any sort of a learning process. Or having to find a way to do it and hold down a job.
Then there’s the having to stay inside, or wear masks, or wash your hands more in a day then maybe you had in weeks before. Or hoping to find toilet paper (and other paper products) or hand sanitizer.
I’m missing a lot here, I know. But if you think about the past 5-6 months, we’ve faced so many things. And that doesn’t even include the political or social justice side of things, which has put so many people on edge or ready to yell and scream at others.
It’s all a blur.
My head hurts from it all. I’ve been working in the office for a lot of this pandemic. Some days there was hardly anybody else in the building. Other times, a handful. Recently, there’s more. When I did work at home early on, it was hard. Concentration was very hard, and focus was tough. I came into the office because I could get things done. That, of course, added more though as I had this or that to help with.
My body of professional work was actually kind of impressive. From ideas I had, to the executing of many massive projects, I am quite proud of things.
But my mental health took a beating. And though I know depression and things like that are real, I’ve never really dealt with it. I still don’t think I have, but I definitely had some mental health battles over the past several months – and believe me, I know I’m not the only one.
Though part of me in recent years has tended to be way more of an introvert, I still like some human contact outside of work. And doing Zoom meetups and things just don’t do it for me. Simple things weren’t possible, and that made it hard. I walked a bit more. I tried to be outside. I take a lot of photos of flowers and things like that. I listened to many podcasts. I played around online and dealt with virtual settings and games and things to try and up the entertainment value. I watched things on Netflix.
It didn’t make it easier.
It’s August now.
I haven’t seen a baseball game in person this year, and I know I won’t. That’s hard for me. Baseball is a huge part of my summer, be it going by myself, with friends, or family. I love the ambiance and the sounds and the sights. I usually go on a baseball trip or three and those were canceled early in this, knowing we’d likely not be doing it.
I had tentatively planned to work on a trip to Iceland in late September. That won’t happen. Though I’ve saved a bit more toward next September – hopefully.
A couple of us had talked about maybe the UK in November or December to see Genesis on their reunion tour … they’ve postponed that until next year … so maybe.
It’s still all a blur.
You’d think I’d have blogged more with as much screen time as I’ve seemingly had. But the drive isn’t there. I stare and can’t get the words to flow. My eyes and head hurt. I am on a computer too much. Often, I’ll sit at night with my laptop on my lap and stare at the TV. Talk about a zombie at times.
I’ve wanted to really start rolling creatively. I’ve worked on a bullet journal. Some pen pal items. Postcards. And I often stop and stare. I can’t get the creative juices flowing. I watch YouTube videos and surf groups and social media for inspiration. There’s a lot of talented people out there and I still can’t get the drive.
I realize, too, I’m not the only one in this position. I’m lucky in that New York is one of the few states that has really improved with all of the COVID items. It’s kind of under control, to a point, and things are slowly allowing you to feel “somewhat” normal. No, you can’t do things you did before this or the same way. But we’re “under control” for a reason and we don’t need to screw that up.
Other states are currently where New York was at the beginning of this. And that hurts everybody as it’s the warm months and people like to travel, even if they maybe shouldn’t. There’s no middle ground.
So, we continue.
I’m not sure if life will ever be normal again. The things we took heavily for granted might be things of the past. Businesses have closed and may never come back. Wearing a mask in some situations is almost becoming second nature. I’m curious how my job will be this fall as I expect I’ll be wearing masks more often and have no choice in it. That’s fine, too, I want us to be safe and smart so hopefully 2021 will be better than 2020.
It’s incredible that it’s been so many months since this whole thing started. And yet, we’re not at the end yet. I once had a lot of optimism and hope. Now, I try and avoid the news and just hope eventually some positive news comes out with everything going on.
The blur hasn’t changed, but I hope things eventually come back into focus.