A 'lil HooHaa

Messing with the blogging world since 2005

Life

Keeping it in perspective

I’m not sure how you all are when you walk – be it alone, or with a dog, or even with other people.

I’ve tried to walk as much as I can for several years now – even before Harper. Most of those times, I’m off into my own thoughts and daydreams. Maybe it’s about the future, or the past, or even the present. When I used to walk solo, I’d often have earbuds in with a podcast or some music playing. 

Once Harper came into my world, I was focused more on her. Especially in her puppy stage. I still have to watch her somewhat closely now as she loves to try and get things in her mouth, such as clumps of grass. But as she gets older and more predictable on walks, I find myself getting lost in my thoughts again. 

A lot of times, it’s about life. After passing the big 5-0 in September (and, yes, I am still working on my series about that …), I’ve been a bit more reflective. Sometimes it’s about the past, sometimes the present, and yes, the future. While I’m maybe not where I had thought I would be when I was in high school, I’m not actually doing bad. I have a good job with pretty decent pay and great benefits. I’ll have a pension and a couple of other retirement accounts when I reach that age. I own a home. I have a good car. I have family and friends. 

Dog walking on a path, leashed
Harper out on a walk

It’s hard to complain. 

But we all do, right? Maybe it’s because I don’t see some friends as often that would be nice. Maybe it’s because waking up earlier isn’t always as easy as it once was. Maybe it’s because of the price of things, or because I have to figure out how to pay for something a little bigger. Maybe it’s because I’m no longer as free wheelin’ as I once was. Maybe I just don’t feel fulfilled or happy at times, and other times I feel that I am. 

We need to keep things in perspective. 

Over the years, I’ve had my own personal battles. I’ve gotten into some dark places in my own head. And some days, I get there again. Thankfully, it usually doesn’t last too long. And more often than not, I do a really good job at masking and hiding it. 

Life is about ups and downs. Unfortunately, because of human makeup, we aren’t perfect. That means the odds of being happy every single moment of one’s life is just not possible. So we do the best we can. 

I have been reminded of this recently, especially on my walks. The reality is, we have no idea about the people who we may pass each day etc. What some may decipher as an unhappy person may be the complete opposite, and vice versa. 

As I walked Harper recently, there’s one person I saw walking down the street. He has a slow pace about him and always seems a bit down. He wears headphones and just meanders along. I know I’ve seen him working as well, and it’s always the same look. 

Does that mean he’s unhappy? Not at all. Not every book is the same, after all. And I wonder, too, if I sometimes look in an unhappy state when I’m out and about – even with Harper. 

My “inner circle” isn’t the biggest in the world as I’ve grown older. Sometimes you lose touch with people; or other times you just become a hermit (I have done this). But either way, not a lot of people will notice certain things. But for those I let into the circle, I care about them and their thoughts and opinions matter to me. Recently, one mentioned that Harper is such a good emotional support dog for me. 

Initially I brushed it off. I thought – she’s much more than that. But as I thought about it later in the night, it got me thinking about a few things. First, she absolutely is an emotional support dog for me. She’s been such a huge part of my life since I got her and I hope that continues. But it also made me think about the wording. 

Why did I shy away from “emotional support dog?” Did I think it was bad? Was I worried about the stigma of it? I’m not sure. But the reality is, she does help me emotionally. And knowing I go home to her each night helps in tough times. And, truthfully, me being happier now than I was two years ago is a direct connection to Harper. 

That’s why I say we need to keep things in perspective. What is one person’s happiness is another’s lows. We can’t just look at somebody and think they are unhappy, when it could be completely the opposite. 

When I walk now, though, I’ll try to at least be a little more upbeat. It feels good to smile. 

Feel free to leave a comment, or e-mail P.J. at hoohaablog@gmail.com. Also, please “Like” A ‘lil HooHaa on Facebook!

Lights up!

Pavilion and patio with lights

So it may be a little late (in the season) for this, but …

… at least it’s now done!

Some of you may already know how I was working on my backyard to kind of make it a nice place to sit and chill. Part of it is working on the overall setup, and the other part is trying to just make it my “happy place.”

So over the last year or two, I’ve done my best to get the grass better. I’ve done the Scott’s turf program thing (though, I will admit, I’ve missed one or two times) and it really has helped. There’s a few spots that fight a bit, but it’s understandable in those spots. Especially in the backyard, where Harper runs and plays and we also get Harper’s friends over playing at times.

So I have no issues with that.

Earlier this summer, though, I had a patio put in. I then had a small pavilion put in. This past weekend, the lights were added.

Now, I don’t have power out there. However, I got a nice set of lights that run off USB power. So when I want to be out there, I can bring a USB power brick out with me. That does stink, at times, if I want to say turn the lights on via a timer, or leave them on longer etc. as you don’t really want to leave the power brick outside (and it needs to charge sometimes), but for now, it works just fine.

I have some battery lights I plan to wrap around the fence for Christmas time, and those can be on timers.

With family visiting this past weekend, so it was nice to sit out Friday night when it was decent out. The lights were awesome to have.

I’m not fully finished back there with the pavilion, but hopefully before the snow flies. I want to get my Blackstone out there, as well as some furniture builds. I just have to kind of see what direction I want to go with things and where they can go. I don’t want it to be too crowded! But, Harper’s Landing is definitely shaping up nicely.

Side note: We had a record as well Friday when there were seven dogs running, playing and having fun at Harper’s Landing!

Feel free to leave a comment, or e-mail P.J. at hoohaablog@gmail.com. Also, please “Like” A ‘lil HooHaa on Facebook

Adding an EDC to my life

People talk about their EDCs. You know – the everyday carry. 

I’ve often thought about an EDC myself, but I always wonder what to put in it. A lot of EDC things you see are a little more tactical in mind. While I do carry some things, they seem strewn about. I might have one thing here, and another thing in a different spot. 

In my quest to start trying to simplify life a bit to make life overall better in general, I’m thinking about an EDC “kit,” so to speak. My thought is to get a nice canvas messenger bag and then build accordingly. The idea would be to have this with me on most days, giving me the ability to adjust on the fly and also plan things out without getting too stressed out. 

See, my issue often is becoming overwhelmed. 

Be it personal or professional, things get piled on and I basically start to go into a freefall. That makes it hard to stay on task because I start to worry that the most current thing is the item that needs to be done right then and there. 

Some of the items I currently carry with me.

Basically, not setting boundaries. 

I try to keep organized through various calendars and such, but then – overwhelmed. I have a personal one, a work one … and I try to mix it. That’s all electronic. So I add things to this calendar or that one and then I start getting all panicked. 

The struggle is real. 

I’ve often hid or masked things when it comes to mini mental meltdowns. I often will stare into space and not know where I am going. I can’t keep focused and all of a sudden I’m way behind. My emotions and mind start to go all over the place and my temper can follow, though I usually keep that a little more guarded. 

When things like this happen, I also tend to not want to talk to anybody. It’s an evil cycle that never seems to have a true ending, rather I just find a way to crawl out of it. But once I do, I’m all over the place because of things that need to be done, both personal and professional. 

One thing it really interferes in is my ability to focus outside of work. I have a bunch of things I’d like to work on and get done. But I get so worn down at times from these feelings and such that I just become a potato at times. Thankfully, Harper makes sure I know I need to go out and walk. 

I realize this is all part of life. None of us likely have perfect, happy everyday feelings. We all struggle in certain areas, which makes us human. 

So back to the original topic – an EDC. How does that help?

Over the years, I’ve tried to plan things out a bit better. It doesn’t matter if it’s trying to utilize my Google calendars (which are good in a pinch), or the old-school pen-to-paper style. I truly do love pen to paper, but it’s also something you have to have a routine for. Just a regular old calendar book doesn’t usually work for me because I don’t use it enough. I need something a bit more substantial to try and help shape things a bit more. 

I’ve recently found a Clever Fox planner (on Amazon) and it has a lot to it. There are sections for goals, and planning, and all sorts of different things. It also has areas for reflection. I’m starting to think that would be important because it might get me to think more about what might trigger these mental blocks, as well as force me to prioritize things a bit more. 

The beginning will be hard as I’ll have to develop a routine. My hope would be that once that routine got going, I’d be more attentive to my life as a whole. 

I’d keep certain things I already use some (a smaller Hobonichi planner, which could be a spot for plans and ideas – I carry it often), and a small dateless planner I use for work notes and thoughts. They would each supplement the bigger one, which would encompass my whole life – so I could open it to the week and see priorities/goals and everything else outlined in front of me. 

I also hope it might help me start blogging more. 

Ok, I’m still blabbing. EDC. 

What would I carry in said EDC bag? What would I feel is something I’d want with me most of the time? 

  • EDC bag to hold everything
  • Main planner so I can access it, see an overview and be able to plan accordingly. 
  • Mini planner – which I will carry with me even when the bag isn’t with me
  • My iPad/keyboard (I want to start writing more on the fly when I can on personal time)
  • Small notebook
  • Pens/pencils/highlighters etc
  • Leatherman (or something like it) tool
  • Flashlight
  • Rulers (I tend to always have one or two small ones with me)
  • Water bottle
  • Headphones/earbuds
  • Possibly a phone charger

That’s my main thought process at this point. For those of you who have an EDC – what do you always have with you? What items do you think would be good in mine? The beauty of the one planner is it’s undated, so I can pick any month to start it. My birthday month (September) might be as good of a time as any to do it. 

Feel free to leave a comment, or e-mail P.J. at hoohaablog@gmail.com. Also, please “Like” A ‘lil HooHaa on Facebook!

A close call that makes you think about the big picture more

I’m not perfect when it comes to driving, that’s for sure. 

I’ve been pulled over a few times in my life. I’ve hit deer, had an accident caused by icy conditions and probably, more than a few times, avoided a serious accident by the stroke of luck. 

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve tried to be smarter with driving. I’d say *most* of the time, that works. Not always. But for the most part, I try to do things right and carefully. If my phone is used in the car, it’s speak to text or hands-free talking. Even then, I tend to try and do it as little as possible.  

It drives me nuts when I see people driving and texting and the like. And maybe I’m to a point now where I want to turn on the feature on iPhones (not sure if others have this) where if somebody texts you and you are driving, it sends a message saying you are driving.

There’s a reason for this post. And I promise it will all make sense. However, this one has the potential of being longer, so hopefully you can stay with me. 

First, at the end of April, I was pulled over on the interstate. I was ticketed for doing 80 in a 65 (note: my cruise was set for lower than 80, but I knew I was going to try and work with the court anyway and being it was 10:45 at night, I wasn’t up for an argument with a trooper). I responded to the ticket and was able to get into a driver diversion program. I took the 6-hour safe driving course online, sent in all the needed paperwork and my ticket was forgiven. It just cost me what it took to get into the program, and the cost of the course. 

Was it an expense I didn’t need? Absolutely. But, sometimes things happen for a reason. 

Ever since then, I’ve gone slower. Is it because I don’t want to deal with that again? Of course. But another part of me notes that it’s better. If you are driving, say, 70, instead of 75-78 — how much faster do you actually get somewhere. Over a two or three hour trip… 10 minutes? 15? Is it worth the aggravation? 

I say all of this because of something that happened to me this week. What happened has left me a bit shaken and though I know it will pass, it’s really been weighing heavily on my mind and deep into my thoughts. 

This past week, I was heading home from one of the districts where I work. I was taking a back road, as I normally do. For those of you in the area and know the roads, it’s on the backside of the river between Hamden and Walton. 

I’ve driven this road many times in my lifetime. Probably in the thousands. There are some hairy places on it and people don’t always pay attention to the posted speeds. There are some sharp corners and some flats where the one side drops down into the river. There are also some tight spots where getting two cars side by side can be nerve-racking. 

Walks with Harper mean a whole lot more now.

It was a rainy day, so it was wet out. That, of course, makes things slippery and would warrant slowing down. 

As I headed home, I was just moving along under the speed limit as some of the corners worry me in their own right. The one that always makes me worry is a sharp turn that, as you come from the Hamden side, curves back toward your side of the road, but down a little hill. It’s fully blind, too, so if you take it too quickly, it could end badly. There’s also a good 4- to 6-foot culvert there as well. 

On this day, I was approaching and a truck came barreling around the corner from the Hamden direction. It was a mid-size red truck with a wood bed, instead of the normal bed. That usually means it was lighter than normal. 

This person was definitely not close to the speed limit and as he hit the corner, he came over into my side. Of course when he saw me, he needed to correct himself. That caused a fishtail. When going that speed, you don’t have the control you want. I slowed and got over as far as I could. 

I can only piece together so much of what happened next. I remember most, but not all. With that in mind, when it was happening, it felt like it was in slow motion. 

The other driver came around that corner, tried to correct and started to fishtail back and forth. His whole truck was going back and forth and we missed a head-on collision by mere inches. He kept in the fishtail all the way past me and I’m still not sure how he didn’t hit me at any point. 

He tried to keep it straight and correct but he had no luck and ended up barreling into the culvert. And hitting at least one tree with the back-end of his truck. 

At that point, I had two choices: keep driving or stop. I chose to stop.

I’ve had mixed reactions as to what others would have done. Some said they would have left because, legally, they don’t have to stay. Others have said they would have stopped as well but likely wouldn’t have handled it the way I did. 

I’m actually shocked I handled it the way I did. 

I was calm with it all. I checked to make sure the guy was OK. If we needed to call anybody. There was some blood on the road and some items strewed about the culvert as his window had been open. My guess is he cracked his head during all of this. He definitely seemed a bit woozy as he tried to get his truck out of there. But I noted to him that I didn’t think he was going anywhere as his back axle look snapped. 

He said he was going to call some people to help. I went back to my vehicle. Neighbors came out. Asked if I was OK and then asked if he had been going too fast. I noted that, yes, it sure seemed like it. I am sure living on that corner, those people have seen a lot of fast cars go by. 

I went back to my car and was shaking. I decided to get back out again and check the situation. I asked again about calling. He said no he was dealing with it. The neighbors were there too. The driver noted I didn’t have to do anything as it wasn’t my fault. 

Well, no shit it wasn’t my fault. I had been going under the speed limit on my side of the road. 

I ended up leaving soon after. I did call a police officer friend and asked if I needed to stay. He said no — as long as I wasn’t involved and all, I didn’t have to do anything. So off I went. 

The thing is, I was pretty shaken up about this. I still am. All the way home, all I could think about is if I left for work a few seconds earlier. Or if I had been driving a mile or so more an hour. I’d have been closer to the actual curve and there would have been zero chance of missing a head-on collision. And at the rate of speed he was going, there was a pretty good chance I wouldn’t have reached my next birthday. Or if I did, who knows what kind of shape I would have been in. 

That night when I got home and after I ate, I went for a walk with Harper. I got a bit emotional to myself thinking about how if seconds had changed, I may not have been walking Harper that night or ever again. And for the past several days, these things have crossed my mind as well. 

It’s now been about five days or so since this happened. I’m better, but still a bit shook up about it. I’m sure time will continue to help this. I’ve heard who the person was and some other info, but what’s done is done. That doesn’t even matter to me. A day or two after this happened, I talked to one of the school social workers – somebody I’ve known for probably 30 years. She gave me some good thoughts on how to kind of get my stress down and how to ease through this. So I’m working on things a bit. 

I’m also avoiding that back road for probably a long time. I’ve seen and had a few other close calls on that road (not this close though). People go at a higher rate of speed, and there’s a few other corners that can make you anxious. 

The reality is, I know this was a massive close call. How close, I don’t know. But I don’t think it would have ended well for me if we had gone head on, that’s for sure. 

I’m going to end this post with some other thoughts. I’m not perfect and I’ve had some distracted driving. But it seems like it’s getting crazier. People don’t slow down or stop when people are in crosswalks, and you can see they are doing other things. I’m not sure how many times over the past month where somebody has started to come over into my lane because they are obviously looking down and on their phone. Or how many times people have passed in illegal areas, cut corners at high rates and all sorts of other things. 

Slow down. Enjoy the trip a little. Give yourself the time. Learn and change things up before it’s too late. 

Life is short already. Don’t make it even shorter with stupid decisions. 

Feel free to leave a comment, or e-mail P.J. at hoohaablog@gmail.com. Also, please “Like” A ‘lil HooHaa on Facebook!

Looking at life a little differently

I’ve always said birthdays are just another day … and your age is just a number. 

And I still truly believe that. 

However, as we start to get older, I think you start to see things with a different set of eyes. As I approach a half of a century on this Earth (still a couple of years, but much closer to that than, say, a quarter of a century), I tend to look at things in a bit of a different light. 

Mainly, about myself. 

I’ve made certain choices in life that have brought me to where I am. And I’m OK with that. I realize if I had gone this direction or that direction, things would be totally different. Maybe for the better. Maybe for the worse. You never know as there are always ramifications for a decision you make. 

Sometimes, though, you just have to start understanding where things are in this world. 

Find the things that make you smile. Sunrise in Avalon, NJ – October 2021.

I’ve had a lot of time recently to do some thinking. And I’ve kind of been in a frame of mind where I don’t know how to express things. My world is upside down, and there’s not a lot to lean on. As I learn new things (ie: owning a puppy), I often feel isolated or on an island. But what makes it harder is not having that regular system to lean into, and that has nothing to do with the dog. 

Too, I realize as we grow older, everybody has different priorities. And I never will fault people for priorities. In fact, it’s how it should be. My decisions in life have put me where I am. I have a pretty good job. I’m in the process of buying a house. I now have a dog. But, I’m also single and don’t have kids – and that’s by choice. I often work too much and when I’m not working, half the time I just want to chill. 

But, you also need to have interactions and connections as part of life, right?

The thing to always remember is we all grow – and in different ways. Some get married. Some have kids. Some move away for a job. Some just go in different directions. Some live care free lives where they just go from place to place. Maybe you stopped doing something where you saw a lot of people (ie: for me, when I stopped playing softball, I saw less of those people). And it’s not done out of spite or with bad intentions, rather it is just a change. 

I’m one of those people who tend to hang on with certain things. I like giving people the benefit of the doubt, and I try my hardest to reach out and things like that. Alas, I’m not perfect. It doesn’t always happen, as much as I would like to do so. And this isn’t anything in particular, rather a situation where people just have other things going on and other commitments. While it’s true that some people just aren’t reliable and constantly go back on what they tell you or just always spin the yarn, the reality is most people just have life and family and things come up. I get that. 

So that leads to me. 

Here I am, approaching that half-century mark. I don’t plan on making any big moves in my world, so I’m where I’m at. I like to travel a little bit. I like baseball. And I like experiencing things. I just have to realize that many things I will do may have to be done by myself or, eventually, with my dog (such as possibly learning to like “camping” a bit more and traveling to national and state parks). 

I have to become more secure in this. 

The reality is, sometimes people don’t always come through when they tell you they will. And I’m not talking about one or two times. I mean, things come up. We all have had to back out of things here and there. You move on and deal. I’m talking more about the continual way of doing this. Over and over. 

It’s interesting. On my birthday, I read something on Facebook. It quoted Anthony Hopkins. It was pretty long, but well worth reading … in the end, it talked about people. Basically, what I got from it, is that things should always be a two-way street. If you are trying too hard and you seem to be the only one doing so, it might not be time to look deeper into things. It really struck a chord with me, though.

Life’s hard. The experiences and the people who you let into your circle are what will make you happy. You have to go out and get it. I know I’m not always happy. I know getting this dog has actually, for now, made me more down (I realize in time that will change) because of everything I have to do. 

Life is what you make of it. I always have said that … the difference now is I have to start living it, too. 

Look ahead, not behind. And do everything you can to smile as much as you possibly can as you never know when that smile will stop.

Feel free to leave a comment, or e-mail P.J. at hoohaablog@gmail.com. Also, please “Like” A ‘lil HooHaa on Facebook! You can also follow me on Twitter @softball29!